Weird Left Tit: A Paradoxical Intervention

There is a certain class of problem in which the common sense solution makes the problem worse.  Issues with self-esteem can fall into this category. When a person continuously esteems themselves in a manner in which they create feelings of low self esteem, the solution that loved ones and even therapist sometimes employ is one of reassuring the person that their self evaluation of themselves is flawed.  This rarely works.

NLP offers a variety of ways of dealing with self-esteem issues, but today I want to talk about a somewhat more provocative approach. Some might even consider this approach callous or crazy…right up my alley.  I will say that when I first got into this fixing people’s problem thing, I was not congruent enough to pull this type of interventions off.  It takes a bunch of rapport and callibration skills to actually get these types of strategies to deliver results. Enough talk.

Frank Farelly the genious and creator of Provocative Therapy makes the following hypotheses:

The first hypothesis addresses itself to the cliente’s attitudes towards himself, his self-concept: If provoked by the therapist (humorously, perceptively and within the client’s own internal frame of reference), the client will tend to move in the opposite direction from the therapist’s definition of the client as a person.

The second hypothesis focuses on the client’s overt behaviors: If urged provocatively (humorously and perceptively) by the therapist to continue his self-defeating, deviant behaviors, the client will tend to engage in self-and other-enhancing behaviors which more closely approximate the societal norm.

There is one intervention that Frank sites in his book Provocative Therapy that beautifully exemplifies how to effectively deliver an intervention that makes use of these two hypothesis.

A young girl came to him for issues with dating.  This young girl was born with one breast larger than the other one. This caused her much embarrassment. She didn’t want boys to see her deformity so she didn’t date any boy for longer than two dates.  Enter Frank. (Note that T = therapist in the text below)

The girl agreed and mentioned that she thought Frank’s assessment would be what would most likely happen, but that she could not be sure unless she tested it out in the real world. This was the end of the first interview.  In the next interview the girl came in to Frank’s office with a huge grin on her face.  She told Frank that she had seduced a guy and they had gone to his place.  As the guy was all heated up, she asked him to notice her breasts.  The guy looked at her and just went on with his business.  Enter Frank.

Therapy over.  The above beautifully displays the use a paradoxical intervention and the results speak for themselves.

I use this paradoxical techniques in my private practice.  I find that most people that have had chronic issues and problems have had many, many people reassure them.  I do the opposite. After I deliver my interventions and am testing for change, I get people to convince me that they have changed.  I even take it a step further and tell people that they are lying to me about having changed (all of this is done in a tongue in cheek fashion). By getting clients to convince me that they have changed, I get them to OWN the change.  Awesome stuff.