What I REALLY Think About Changework….

I find it very fascinating how much I’ve changed since I started doing changework.  My operating beliefs about people and their capabilities have been shattered more times that I can count.  I’ve compiled a list of the  current operating beliefs that are infusing my changework sessions.  Some of these beliefs are probably going to change at some point, but for now, I find that these beliefs work quite well.

Here’s a partial list:

1) People are incredibly resilient, even the ones that claim to be broken.

2) Humor is healthy and part of emotional maturity.

3) People can change unbelievably fast no matter how long they have been doing their particular problematic pattern.

4) People do their symptoms because they get certain benefits from them, and people will protect their symptom.

5) If I react to a client’s symptom like everybody else, then I might as well refer the client to someone else.

6) Everybody has the same human needs.

7) Thresholds (the moment where a person reaches a point where “enough is enough”) are awesome and incredibly useful.

8 ) Some people need to get their asses kicked in order for them to change. Pain can be a VERY VALUABLE resource.

9) Reassuring a client that they have changed is useless.

10) The quality of our lives is proportional to the quality of our operating emotional patterns.

11) A client’s commitment to change has to be greater than their resistance to change.  Ordeals build commitment.

12) Reassuring a client’s self esteem is useless.

13) People have all the resources they need inside.

14) People will go to tremendous lengths to maintain their sense of identity (there is great leverage here).

15) The more real and authentic I can be with my clients while using my therapeutic/coaching skill the more profound the change.

16) The more emotional filled a session is, the better.

17) Honest straight up feedback is ENORMOUSLY useful for clients.  It builds trust.

18) Clients don’t have to like me for them to change.

19) Rapport is about getting the attention of the unconscious mind, not about connecting with the client.